"I'm a puzzle yes in deed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren't even in the box
And yet, you see the picture clear as day."
Usually, it kind of hard for people to like me. Why? I don't know. I guess because I come off as shy at first then I become the buffoon that's bouncing off the walls. It's like I go from 30 mph to 180 mph in three seconds. Or maybe because I can get obnoxious when I'm hyper by asking a million and three questions. It's like I'm a question survey. I could go on and on and on. Sometimes, I annoy myself. Or maybeeee it's because I don't look as good as that light-skinned girl or I don't seem physically attractive to many. I have my days where I look in the mirror and just say "ugh". Or, I feel fat so I actually wear a shirt to sleep. A big shirt at that. The sorority girl big shirt. You know what I'm talking about. But yea...
"...I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you..."
But sometimes, it's easy for people to love me. I'm not an egotistical fuck so please don't think that. It's a fact because I would have no friends if they didn't love me. I'm annoying and I can laugh to that [and also be secretly sad]. But I can honestly say I care for people. I care for everyone. I have sentiment towards everyone I meet. I'd put someone before myself just to make them happy. I don't do it as often as I used to, due to the fact that I was messed over numerous amounts of times, but I still do it. I'd do everything in my power to make sure someone was okay or happy or fed or is warm or has a place to sleep. I just do it. Now, why do people stay loving me? Hell if I know. I'm a complex mofo and I know it.
"You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
And that's why I love you."
With all of that being said, I literally process why I can't maintain a long relationship like I want. It kind of sucks. I felt like my counterpart would know what she'd be getting into. Whether if it was me calling before lacrosse practice, while she was at church or work, after I left class, if I'm out with my friends and I thought of her, if I text/call in the middle of the night or just me being a hopeless romantic. I care alot. Too much actually. I honestly think I may die from a broken heart. I say that with all seriousness too. It just sucks. I mean, I obviously scoped this individual out from everyone and put my all into the relationship. But what do I get in return? Cheating, lying, lonely nights, hostility, being made into an option rather than a main decision, being sent to voicemail, indifference to my feelings or what I have to say and stuff like that. It kind of makes my heart turn cold sometimes. I understand that every relationship has the "honeymoon" phase but after that, why would anyone stop trying to show how much they care for their other half? The other half is not just going to know that you still care because in these days, one wrong look, wrong phrase, wrong gesture and it'll look as if you're cheating or liking someone else. That's how it was for me. But I wouldn't do any of that. I just had my flaws because I'm human. And I thought someone would see through that...but I guess not.
"I'm a peasant by some standards
But in your eyes I'm a queen
You see potential in all my flaws
and that's exactly what I mean."
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